T-minus 24 days till The Big Move.

So, I moved home to Kennesaw for my last month here. Things just weren't working out anymore, and I'm sure, as shitty as it is, it's for the best for both parties. Driving an hour to and from work really sucks, but I guess I can get used to having home-cooked meals the rest of my nights in town. Plus, getting to see family 24-7 kind of rules, especially since I'll be 250+ miles away from them in a short time.

Finally took first place at trivia at Tin Lizzy's the other night. $50 house cash, suckas. That's two margarita pitchers, guac/salsa/queso trio, & then some. Delicious, and I enjoy putting our success in terms of food & alcohol. Only two more trivia nights before half the crew leaves. Heartbreaking.

I'm not that bummed Francoeur was traded; only bummed we traded him for Ryan Church. As long as McCann & Escobar are still rollin' with The Braves, I'll be okay. I hope I can still catch games in MS...

The weather has been perfect lately. I wish it was like this year-round, maybe with a smattering of 50 degree days in the fall/winter, just to keep things interesting. Is there a place in the US where such a thing exists? If so, I may need to move there eventually.

Currently in between two Greek phrases for my next tattoo (to go vertically on the left side of my ribs, methinks). Not sure which one yet, I need to weigh it out for the next week or two. I'm thinking option A, strictly for space-purposes.

Option A: "Know yourself"

γνωθι σεαυτόν

Option B: "Life is short, but art is long"

ὁ βίος βραχύς, ἑ δε ṯέχνη μακρή

Also, on the list of "Things to Do Before I Leave": The Clermont Lounge, kayaking, Asian karaoke, spend a day on the lake, Metalsome...

A third of the way through September - seriously?

I'm finally feeling back to my old, healthy self. Last Wednesday, I went to the doctor with horrible fatigue and body aches, 103-degree fever, and a 124 heart rate; I had a gross virus that had mutated and spread throughout my body and was pretty dehydrated. I was hooked up to an IV and got a sodium chloride drip then was put on antibiotics for 14 days. I am feeling much better, and according to my blood test results, I don't appear to have the flu or mono. Very happy with that, and very happy to be feeling not like a blob.

BT and I took Drake to Bark in the Park at Turner Field on Sunday. It was the first time I have actually gone to the event, rather than working it. We were on the jumbotron (aka Braves Vision) - a first for us all! As you can see, Drake (and his human counterparts) had a blast.


Other than being sick and going to Bark in the Park, not much has been going on in this kid's life lately. I am settled into my new place, and it feels like home. Work is slowing down, now that kids are back in school, and the holiday season is over. I'm still planning on taking the GRE next month, although I need to get my brain back into shape. I haven't had school in almost four months; I'm pretty sure that is the longest time I have gone without it. I am trying to enjoy my year off before heading to Ole Miss, but I just feel restless; somehow working at a dog daycare still just isn't cutting it. At least Drake benefits from it.

The fact that women are "flocking" to Sarah Palin just because she has a damn uterus makes me sick. And as for people referring to her as a feminist icon, she most certainly is not. Not only as a Democrat, but as a woman, I would never even consider voting for her, or voting for McCain just because he picked a woman as his VP running mate. When asked if her own daughter was impregnated by a rapist, what she would encourage her daughter to do, she replied "I would choose life." First off, it should not be her decision. Second of all, everything about that sentence makes me sick. Not to make this blog a forum on abortion, but it is my strong opinion that nobody should have control over a woman's body except for herself, not even her mother. Aside from that, she fired a librarian because she wouldn't ban or censor books that Palin found offensive or objectionable. Let's see; so far, she doesn't believe women have the right to chose what happens to their bodies and apparently doesn't believe in freedom of speech either. That's who I want in charge of my country should John McCain die. I really hope after the initial media frenzy around her dies down that people, women and men alike, will wake up and see her for what she really is.

While on the subject of womanly issues that disgust me, read this article, and tell me this isn't prostitution. Capitalizing off of your sexuality? Yea, I'm pretty sure that is considered prostitution (strippers aside). And seriously, selling your virginity to pay for college tuition? I want to get my Master's without taking out loans just as much as the next person, but there are things called financial aid and scholarships I intend on looking into. Not auctioning off my body. Oh, people of America, you never let me down.

A few exciting things going on in the next few weeks...Brandy is about to have her baby...going to see Les Miserables with my mom next weekend (probably should warn her of my latest tattoo first)...taking a weekend trip to Asheville with BT at the end of the month...and fall is just around the corner (although I'm sure it will continue to be 80 degrees until mid-October).

Also, Drake and I have a shared love of Yuengling:

"And the four right chords can make me cry..."

So, I canceled my appointment with the psychiatrist today. I woke up and thought to myself, "Hey, my life is turning itself around. Mary Jane and I slowly are parting ways, and I don't feel the incessant need to self-medicate anymore. Things are slowly turning themselves around. I think I'm going to be a-okay." Let's just hope that this decision doesn't turn around and bite me in the ass. I honestly would not be surprised if it did though. I guess we will see about that in the next couple of months.

I've pretty much diagnosed myself with my problems; I have a lot of pent up anger towards my mother and a certain emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend. As much as he loved to deny it, said boyfriend knew what he was doing when he constantly fucked with my head, but I honestly don't think my mom has a clue. Ever since I hit my twenties, we've butted heads more than we did when I was a teenager. I guess it has something to do with her not wanting to let go, but Christ, she needs to realize I'm pretty alright for a 22 year old. I mean, really. I've got my issues like everyone else, but I like to think I'm pretty well-rounded. Not to turn this blog into a rant about my boyfriend/mom issues - it just all came to a head last night in this crazy vivid dream I had involving my mom and grandma screaming at me to just get to Mississippi and leave them alone. Well, and my brother and his girlfriend were having a baby, and everyone was really excited. That was just weird.

As for the ex, that will just take time to heal...longer than I'd like. It has been six months since we broke up, and, without even talking to him, he still can manage to break me down to nothing. So many cruel words and sketchy actions are ingrained in my head, and I'm just trying to block them out as much as possible. More important than cutting my self-esteem down to nothing and isolating me from the things I love, he also managed to ruin a ton of great songs for me. THANKS. Now I can't listen to "New Slang" or "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" without my stomach churning. I managed to get Nick Drake back for the most part though, so I can't really complain.

Lately I keep thinking about Mississippi and not necessarily in an excited way. Just kind of neutral. A year from today I'm going to be all moved in, anxiously awaiting for school to start. I'm not really second guessing my decision to go to Ole Miss; I just keep feeling like I did everything backwards. Aren't you supposed to go to the city, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, after college? I went when I was 18, and now I'm completely jaded to the whole environment, wanting to leave everything behind for a town with 1/100th of the population I am used to. I guess that works out though. Still, I'm nervous at how I will adjust. No traffic and no smog will be awesome - but no Metalsome and no Northside? Eh. Not so sure about that.

I'm so broke it physically pains me to look at my bank account. I've slowly started paying off my credit card which I'm pretty stoked about, but other than that...not so stoked. I've exhausted my savings paying for my car to actually run smoothly, and I found out the other day I owe my apartment complex $1,055 for not telling them I am moving out sixty days in advance. Nothing surprises me anymore financially. I'm surprised I've controlled my debt as much as I have, but it seriously seems to get worse everyday.

My tattoo is totally scabbed over and disgusting looking. I absolutely hate the healing process. I just want to scrape it all off because, honestly, it looks like some sort of backwoods, prison tattoo right now. I just want the colors to be pretty again.

Smoltz is out. Tex is traded. Tim Hudson is out for the season after his Tommy John's surgery. Skip Caray died. What. The. Hell. We are cursed. It is official.

Do work.

"If you've got an impulse, let it out."

The good news first. I got my birthday tattoo yesterday at Ink & Dagger. I'm really pleased with the way it came out. I think the red makes it pop, plus the gold inside the horseshoe looks really good. The first five minutes hurt pretty bad, but like my other tattoos, I just got used to the burning sensation; it was all over with in a matter of 25 minutes.


It's weird having a visible tattoo; I like it. People usually don't even know I have them; I mean, hell, I hid them from my mother for almost three years. I'm pretty confident with the fact that I will never go into a profession that requires me to be super clean-cut, so I'm not stressing where it is. I know my family will, and that makes me sad. As open-minded as they can be, they still seem to equate tattoos with deviance, ignorance, and all other typical stereotypes that comes with permanent ink. I wish I could say I could prove them wrong, but unfortunately, I don't think that is going to be the case.

Bad news now. I have a gash on my hand (see above) from where my female rabbit bit the living daylights out of me. Tough, right? I feel bad because I don't get to spend as much time with me now because of Drake, but I'm afraid to try and find them a home because she is a pretty territorial aggressive rabbit. She isn't spayed, which I think might have something to do with it, but she is three years old, so I'm not sure spaying would be 100% safe now that she's reached her sexual maturity. Either way, it's kind of silly to say I have a mean rabbit, but it's true! I just wish I could find her a home where I knew someone would be patient with her and not just give her up at the first sign of aggression.

More bad news. The past week has taught me that I can't do the whole "boyfriend-in-jail" thing. I can't. Innocence or guiltiness aside, I can't put all of myself into a relationship that I get nothing out of. I know it's selfish, but honestly, I'm 22. I've been in some pretty ridiculously serious relationships early on in my adult years, and it is time for me to be selfish. I've been trying not to beat myself up about it which, as usual, I've failed at. It's just too hard to fight feeling like I'm missing out on something all the time, and this time I'm throwing my hands in the air.

REALLY bad news: Mark Teixeira was traded to the LA Angels on Tuesday. So bummed I didn't even get to go to a goodbye game. I'm interested to see if this Casey Kotchman fellow is any good. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do without seeing that sexy man on first base adjusting himself non-stop.

Oh, Tex. It's been real.

Pre-birthday weekend.

The older I get, the more I see birthdays as an excuse to get ridiculously drunk and partake in activities I may or may not regret the next morning and less as a reason to celebrate the day I popped on out into the world. Being 22? Not so cool. Being in a insanely seedy strip club with everyone I love and acting a fool and realizing it's ok because it's my birthday? Very cool. All I know is weekends like this one make me so unbelievably happy I woke up and realized committing to that religion known as straight edge for two years was utterly ridiculous.

I kicked the weekend off with a much needed hair cut at the Aveda Institute - the only place I will get my hair cut. If you have short hair, ask for Kim Adams. She is amazing, and I won't let anyone besides her touch my head for fear of looking like a boy with a bowl cut; believe me, it's happened. Afterwards, I ran over to Camera Doctor to pick up the roll I had shot with the Holga in Oxford / Oakland - very pleased with the way they turned out. I bought some more black and white 120 film, so hopefully I can go shoot sometime this week. Scooted on over to Ink & Dagger to talk to Jason Kelly about my tattoo - next Wednesday, my right wrist will no longer be naked. Again, sorry Mom. Capped the night off with dinner & drinks at Cheeseburger in Paradise with Danielle and some pretty amazingly hilarious people from her travel agency job. Unfortunately for me, at the risk of getting graphic, I ended up seeing everything I ate once again, and it wasn't the two weak, mostly-mix margaritas I had. Definitely will not be getting the island quesadilla again. Uh uh, no thanks. I probably sounded bulimic. Great.

Saturday night - oh, the debauchery. We began the night with dinner at El Azteca; stuffed my belly with taco salad and delicious margaritas and actually kept it all down, a much welcome change from the previous night. I mean, Mexican food is great and everything, but the night did not really kick off until we trekked on over to the - drumroll please - Clermont Lounge! It was my first time there, although probably not the last. Within twenty minutes of being inside, I got my first birthday lapdance (thank you, Steph & Bode!) from a lady dressed up as Dorothy, ruby red shoes and everything. It's a little disconcerting to have someone tell you they are 62 with a kid your age while they have their tits in your face. Needless to say, the PBR was a-flowin', and the company was great. Later on, I got another lapdance from the infamous Blondie who motorboated me about three times too many and proceeded to grab my beer can, crush it with her chest, apply lipstick, kiss that poor PBR, and hand it back to me, but not before saying, "Honey, you cute as a button!" Oh multi-talented strippers, I love you. Everyone drunkenly walked across the street to The Local, more drinks were had, and photobooths were put to good use until last call. We somehow managed to get back to Danielle's in one piece and crash in various locations around the house. Needless to say, even after drinking plenty of water and taking Advil yesternight, it took a couple of hours to fully come to...and that's how I know it was a good night. Plus, I mysteriously had "Peach Cobbler - Portia" scrawled on my chest in black Sharpie and "yes, please" across my back. Thanks, guys.

Madison and I finally got around to seeing The Dark Knight on Sunday. Wow. Even though every single person that has seen it has had nothing but amazing things to say, I still had my doubts that it was as good as everyone said. Oh, but it was. Heath Ledger's Joker honestly gave me the creeps. Whenever his voice would go from that creepy, almost falsetto to a deep growl, I got chills. The Joker is just a scary motherfucker, for lack of a better word. He really has no motive besides wanting to see everyone miserable and the world in choas, and that is one dangerous son of a bitch. Also, I think it's a shame that a lot of reviews leave out how good Aaron Eckhart was as Harvey Dent/Two Face. I'd like to know how long it took to do Two Face's makeup. That eyeball? Ugh. But Christian Bale? No words necessary, although I still picture him as Patrick Bateman sometimes, and that has a tendency to kill any sort of attraction.

Can we just take a moment to reflect on how sexy of a superhero Batman is? I mean, honestly. It's a damn shame he is not for real because I would be lining up to get a piece of that. Wears an all black suit complete with muscles, lives in a sweet penthouse with possibly the coolest butler ever, drives nice cars, AND saves lives at night for no other reason besides he wants to see the world as a better place. Plus, he doesn't ever try to kill anyone, just defend himself or protect someone else, and he doesn't use guns, just his hands and nifty little gadgets. My god. I would fall off a building voluntarily if it meant Batman would swoop down and scoop me up. Just sayin'. I don't even like superheroes usually. Spiderman? Total nerd, and not in a cute, endearing way. The Incredible Hulk? Ehh, kind of would not like to be around him. Batman and/or Iron Man? Yes, please.

My boy B-Mac got drilled in the game against the Phillies! Poor guy. He has a minor concussion, and I think he is going to be out for a couple of games. I'll wear my jersey for good luck for him. Get better, Fatty McCann.

Rebels '09.

It's funny - ever since I graduated, all I can think about is going back to school next fall. Even though I've still got a year before I plan on going, I still want to be as prepared as possible. Next week my mom and grandma and I are going to visit Oxford and tour Ole Miss (and Rowan Oak!!), and I am so freakin' excited. At first, I was really nervous about choosing the school as my grad school just because it's so far away from everything I know (6 hrs from the ATL); however, it is my only option if I want my MBA in Southern Studies, and I actually think Oxford would be a nice change of scenery. It only has a population of 20,000 (35,000 when school is in session)...a big step down from Atlanta's 5.3 million. The cost of living is pretty low, but the town still has some nice restaurants and bars with live music (Proud Larry's, anyone?), plus a lake nearby and this seemingly awesome bookstore called Square Books. I think I'll be okay there...as long as I get some visits from Atlanta folks, maybe for some tailgating at football games?

The MBA program is really small, and the Center for the Study of Southern Culture seems like it's going to offer a lot of hands on experience and will let me work closely with faculty that might be really helpful in landing a job later on down the road. Plus, they offer courses in documentary fieldwork and photography which I think may be a direction I try and follow once I'm there. Working on a documentary about Southern culture or about Southern writers would pretty much be my dream job.

I am really nervous about getting in though. It is the only grad school I will apply to, more than likely. I graduated magna cum laude from Georgia State so I know my GPA isn't an issue; I'm just not sure how that will really stack up against other people. Plus, I have to take the GRE still, and I'm not totally confident in how I will do - I hate standardized testing (especially analogies), and I haven't had any sort of math class since I was 18. I know can get two good letters of recommendation, and the 500-word statement of purpose won't be a problem. It's just that damn GRE - seriously scares the living daylights out of me.

I'm pretty nervous about what my finances will be like down there. Luckily, Ole Miss's tuition isn't too costly in comparison to other grad schools; if I go full time, out of state tuition in fees will be $5,000 a semester. Once I can claim residency, it will be split in half to about $2,500. Today at work I looked at a bunch of scholarships & grants that I want to apply for, and I'm going to try to get an assistantship so I can get a tuition waiver and maybe a living stipend. I probably will still take out of a loan because if possible, I'd like to be a TA and go to school full-time and avoid working and doing something like waiting tables. I need to check out some financial aid books from the library and fill out FAFSA when its that time. I'm going to try and start saving some money for when I do move, but honestly, it's hard to save money when you hardly make enough to live in the first place...

In non-school related news, as trashy as it is, I Love Money is an amazing show as pure entertainment. Oh, VH1 - always keepin' it classy. Mr. Boston might be the most awkward individual alive. Bless his heart.

Also, big ups to the Braves for winning the record-setting 17 inning game at Turner Field last night! We can always rely on Mark Teixeira to do something amazing and manage to adjust himself more than anyone else on the field while doing it.

Last weekend I went & looked at a basement apartment in a house owned by an Emory grad student in her mid-20s. I really liked the house, and she seemed really nice. It has a private entrance and a fenced in backyard; it's 1200 square feet (twice the size of my apt now), most of which is in the bedroom. I probably will end up buying some room dividers and making one half the bedroom and one half an "office" with my desk and such. It is a hideous salmon color with wood paneling that I definitely am going to paint a more neutral color. The bathroom is bigger than what I have now, and the living room is small but doable. The kitchen is a half kitchen with only a fridge, sink, and very little counter space. However, I am not exactly known for my culinary skills (that'd be Josh's job), so I don't need a big kitchen although if I did, I can use the one upstairs There is no washer/dryer hookup downstairs, but I have full access to the one upstairs. The rent is $75 cheaper than what I pay now, and my utilities would be split three-ways with the other tenants upstairs. I'm definitely going to go with it - this marks the fourth year in a row that I have made a move.

I leave you with one of my favorite pictures of Drake ever. This was on his first birthday last week with his new chicken toy.

Brief.

Not that great quality, but this was so funny. I want to read this book. Looks like I'll add it to the list!

The new H&M opened in Atlantic Station - finally! I'm sure the lines are going to be insanely long these next few weeks, but I definitely hope to get out there soon. I went to the flagship store at Northpoint a couple of weeks ago & bought a ton of stuff for relatively cheap. It might be dangerous for me to go to the much, much larger store...

I had my final interview for the editorial assistant position on Thursday. It is now between me and two other individuals, narrowed down from 90. I have a feeling I am the youngest candidate - the office consists of three people, all probably over the age of 55. I hope this is an advantage to me though. I will know by the middle of next week if I got the job or not. If not, it is back to the drawing board for this kid.

The Braves are really breaking my heart. So many boys on the DL. I really think we are cursed this season.

Is it really already June?

I would have thought with school being done that my life would have maybe slowed down a bit, but if anything, it has only gotten busier. I'm working full-time while simultaneously trying to find another job and get back on track with having a social life again. Honestly, this is turning out to be one of the best summers ever though, so I really cannot complain.

As of right now, I'm anxiously awaiting hearing back from the editorial assistant position I interviewed for last week. Out of 90 responses, they narrowed it down to myself and five other people. I went in for my in-person interview and did some exercises last Thursday, and the head of the company told me I would be hearing back by the end of this week. It seriously is the ideal job for me and super close to my house; I will be seriously upset if I don't get it. Other than that, I interviewed for a job at a non-profit organization yesterday, and while the interview went well, there is no way I will take the job. It's for a great cause, but I can't handle 70-80 hours a week on $24k a year. It looks like it will be back to Craigslist/Monster/CareerBuilders/whatever I can find if the editorial assitant position falls through.

I finally found a record player on eBay, and I love it! It sits on my bar, and depending on my mood, it keeps a steady rotation of either the Beastie Boys' "License to Ill" EP, Nick Drake's "Pink Moon"EP, or Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Cosmo's Factory". I've never been to Kudzu, which is kind of inexcusable, seeing as how it is right behind my current job; they are supposed to have a good selection of vinyl though, so I think I may go over there tomorrow and just browse.

I was hoping I could get back into photography now that school is out, but when it's 95 degrees at noon, I have a really hard time motivating myself to go shoot. I went to The Camera Doctor the other day to have my first roll from my Holga developed, and the owner and his wife were super helpful. I keep leaving the bulb setting on, resulting in almost all my pictures being blurry. I put a roll of black&white in there the other day, so I think I may just bite the bullet and venture out into the heat tomorrow. I want to go shoot the train yard & the mural on Dekalb Ave; they have reopened Oakland finally so I'll be able to go over there as well.

John Smoltz had surgery the other day and is done for the rest of the season - kind of broke my heart a little bit. I hope he can come back next year. All the injuries on the Braves team this year makes me wonder if we did something to piss someone off somewhere - is this karma? I knew things were bad when Peter Moylan had to get surgery early on...then Smoltz and Diaz and Kotsay were placed on the DL...and now Smoltz is having surgery. What is the deal? We have the worst road record in the MLB too - come on! I'm trying to go posteason here, Bobby - whip those boys into shape.

I feel like I have become much more self-aware since the year started. I have had the most time to myself in the past four months than I have ever - living by myself has taught me that it is okay for me to just hang out at night on the futon with Drake and that if I want to go out and have a drink (or two or three) with the girls, that's okay too. I even mustered the balls to tell my mom about my tattoos, and she was surprisingly cool with it. I feel the most content with my life right now than I have in a while, and it really is a great feeling. I just can't believe I will be 22 next month. It seriously blows my mind. I need to go get my license picture changed finally because, needless to say, I no longer am 18 with long brown hair, ha. I just wish I didn't hate the DMV so damn much.

In closing, this is all I have to say:

Stroke of good luck?

Things seem to be looking up lately, and honestly, its about time.

I received two responses to my resume submission to some writing/editing jobs on Craigslist. One is for an office in Buckhead for a receptionist/office manager position. I have mixed feelings on reception, but if its better money than what I make now, I'll take it. I act as a receptionist and office manager at The Wag so might as well gain some experience with another company. The other response was from Atlanta Magazine. I applied for a freelance copyeditor position. I have to complete an exercise and email it back to them by Monday. I think that position is only part-time, but it still would be great experience. I wonder if I will be able to handle having to actually look decent for a job; for over two years now, I've been used to wearing jeans, a polo, Crocs, no makeup, and bedhead at The Wag. Probably going to be a shock.

The past week has brought some pleasant surprises. I managed to catch up with three people who were at one point very good friends of mine, and it's a great feeling. I hope we can stay in touch because I definitely miss having them in my life.

Less than a month until school is over and done with for good! I've still got two 10 page papers, two group projects, and four finals, but I'll stick it out. Finishing undergrad in four years is so worth it. I would be dying right now if I knew I still had a year to go. Plus, my parents are throwing me a graduation party, and I think it's going to rule. Today, in all seriousness, I asked my mom if we could rent a moonbounce, and she agreed. That alone is worth the fight I've put up for the last four years!

Well, the Braves losing on Monday -even after putting up a 12 inning fight- was pretty depressing. I'm watching the game right now & I'm hoping to see them play a little better, a little tighter than they seemed to be on Monday. It sure was nice to be back at Turner Field though. That place felt like home last summer, and I plan on spending lots of time there again this summer. I'm taking my little brother to the Braves-Mets on Friday...hopefully, we can turn it out. I'm looking to go postseason this year, guys.

Just for good measure, I'll post this video - it truly never gets old: